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02 September 2010

Stupid Things I've Seen in America

As much as I love going back home to America, enjoying their obese portion sizes at Chili's and going through drive-throughs just because I can - every time I go back I end up taking photos of things that are either stupid, unbelievable, or just plain lazy. 

I recently went through my old Blackberry and various SD cards, and found the following. 

I swear I'm not making this stuff up.

Cherry7up
Cherry 7UP is now apparently packed full of ANTIOXIDANTS. Sure you're drinking soda, but you're also helping prevent cancer.

Motorcycle
This was, of course, taken in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Not only is this BMW not a motorcycle, but it's parked like an asshole. It's the BMW way.

Yeson8
That would be a "Yes on 8" bumper sticker. Please note the happy straight family of stick figures. You know, the way a stick figure family should be. Non-gay.

Skullfamil

In California, people love putting stickers on their back windows that represent their families. Usually this is done with stick figures or hearts. Or Jesus fish. However, this family is much more hardcore than that, and has used skulls. Clearly, someone felt as if their giant, white, mid-nineties Ford SUV wasn't punk rock enough for the Northern California suburbs as is.

Killerfamily

As mentioned before, back windows of cars are the perfect way to show the world you love your family. Or in the case of this family, that your husband is a serial killer who has chopped off his wife's arms and legs, and his infant son's head. And arms. 

Killercarousel

How inviting! A giant, rabid cat! With fangs! Quick, kids! Hop on so I can take your picture! Why are you crying? 

Peeledeggs

Perfect for when boiling and peeling eggs yourself is just too much work...

Crumbs
Because everyone knows how difficult it can be to turn soft, crumbly crackers in to soft cracker crumbs....wait.

Stupidamerica
Get it! Because that's how American children who are never corrected on their terrible English say it, too! 

Moist
Don't worry, this isn't the name of an adult film starring Duncan Hines and Red Velvet. It's cake mix. (Or is it...)

Parkablowout
 
OH MY GOD! PARKA BLOW OUT ALL THE WAY! WHAT DOES IT MEEEEAAAAN!??!

Beesescape
 This was in the middle of grocery store. Which seems like the perfect place to store bees. Who could escape. 

Expensivesuryp

Look, Publix, I know we're in a recession, but I think nearly $18 for maple syrup is a bit ridiculous. Plus, it's not even Canadian. Bitch, please.

Blowyourlunch
 "Blow your lunch!" it says! Hot dog and bologna shaped gum. Stay classy, Walgreens!

Hiedousgifts
Another gem from Walgreens. These are both light-up gifts. One is a dolphin swimming around a rock. The other is a faux log fire. I wonder if anyone will suspect that it's not an actual fire pit. Hmm...

  Crabsrus
CRABS R US. Creative. Though I wonder how often this guy gets laid...

USAwins
You might remember that USA and the UK tied 1-1 when they played each other in the world cup. In America, scoring 1-1 is the same as winning. Makes you wonder what actually happened in the Revolutionary War.  

All photos © Cate Sevilla

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Hahaha genius! God bless America.

1. I wish I was American. 2. I wish I owned the light up dolphin

This just sent me on a lollercoaster straight to heaven.

This is truly magnificent.

LOVING everything about this post... America is a strange place! :) The hot dog bubble gum looks grotesque!

i'm about to visit america for the first time since i moved to the uk. i'm really looking forward to holding up strange american shit and making wtf faces at it. so much fun.

Sinister Giraffe - Mock everything in a Madonna English accent, whilst pouring tea on it and declaring it to be UTTER RUBBISH. Your family will love it. Mine do.

Drixtina - Peeling eggs is really hard for some people. I'd mock those who buy this stuff even further, but I tend to buy cheese that comes in plastic wrappers....

Abbie - I think during a weak period in my youth I did eat the hot dog gum. It tasted like fruit rather than mystery meat...which is even more disturbing.

Rebecca - 4. I'll bring you back one next time I go home. If it's on sale.

And all of this was in the space of 10 minutes you say?

Love this... I love dumb things. I love America. I love this blog post.

Oh my. Well. That's 'Murica for you. ( don't worry I'm American and regularly knock my country for this)

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